Yesterday morning I sat in my office face to face with a
sobbing student. All I could do is let her tears flow. I don’t know why she was
brought to tears except that she told me that she’s facing “some difficulties”.
She heaved, she cried, she sat in silence. I did my best to remain silent and
allowed her to simply be. At the end of our interaction, I told her to try to
live life on the “ands” and not the “buts”.
This morning, I find myself having to give myself the same
talk. I’m constantly repeating, “live on the ands Julia. Live on the ands”. My
original post for today focused on the government shut down and what it might
mean for Black women. However I feel compelled to write this one instead. So bear with me as I’m writing from instinct
and yes, a place of pain.
I’ve been teaching for more years than I sometimes like to
count. I’ve had lots of experiences—the good and the bad. My recent experiences
have left some very deep wounds. I won’t rehash my experiences. Instead, I want
to focus on how to live at the ands of life--my approach of living with these
experiences.
This morning, like my student, I sobbed. I sobbed not only
as a result of my experiences but also for my students and colleagues who
experience marginalization—those I know and those I don’t know. I simply sat
there as the sun slowly made its appearance, in the stillness of my home, and
cried. Then I had a chat with myself and asked how can I live on the ands
today?
What does it mean to
live on the ands?
Living on the ands allows me to recognize my current
situation without it being a limited force in my life. For a while I lived life
on the buts. The narrative that would play in my head would go something like
“But I don’t feel like exercising because I am too tired.” This is one example
of how the narratives of the buts influence my life. Instead, I’ve learned to
tell myself, I am tired as heck today AND I will try to walk for 10 minutes.
Somehow, I never stop after 10 minutes. Living life on the ands opens up
possibilities by honoring how I feel at the moment while not allowing that
moment to shape my future.
Practicing living life on the ands
I admit that changing my response to life has not been easy.
It had become habitual to live life on the buts. Part of living life on the
ands requires that I replace the narratives/self talk that I was simply use to
and had accepted, until my relatively recent experiences. I came to the realization
that I could not thrive if I continued to live life on the ands.
So I found new strategies, many of which I learned through
my practice of yoga. I had been practicing yoga for a few years. However, I
haven’t actually practiced yoga until recently.
This is how I learned to live life on the ands. I learned to
forgive myself, to accept my feelings without judgment, and to honor my
experiences without judgment. But more importantly, I learned the power of the
“now”. Now is simply now, it does not mean that the now will be the future.
You need not practice yoga to be able to live life on the
ands. Instead, you simply have to be conscious and present with your
experiences. Allow your thoughts, AND remember that you don’t have to become
your thoughts. This is how we live life on the ands.
Today, my wish for you is that you too live your day on the
ands.
This is the second post of my
31-day blogging challenge. This is the also the second post under the general
theme of “Coexsisting, Resisting and Thriving in Academe” which is the
tentative title of a project I’m currently undertaking. You can tweet me at
Dr_JZ using hastag #31dbc to share your thoughts and let me know how you lived
your day on the ands.
